Sunday, March 29, 2015

Ontological Argument

A God who holds the world record for eating the most skateboards is greater than a God who does not hold that record.

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Friday, March 27, 2015

Opportunity

We all remember those famous first words spoken by an astronaut on the surface of Mars: "That's one small step fo- HOLY SHIT LOOK OUT IT'S GOT SOME KIND OF DRILL! Get back to the ... [unintelligible] ... [signal lost]"

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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Squirrel Plan

[Halfway to the Sun ...] Heyyyy ... what if this BALLOON is full of acorns?!

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Sunday, March 22, 2015

Wasted Time

Since it sounds like your time spent typing can't possibly be less productive than your time spent not typing, have you tried typing SLOWER?

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Friday, March 20, 2015

Mysteries

At the bottom left: The mystery of why, when I know I needed to be asleep an hour ago, I decide it's a good time to read through every Wikipedia article in the categories 'Out-of-place artifacts', 'Earth mysteries', 'Anomalous weather', and 'List of people who disappeared mysteriously'.

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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Upside-Down Map

Due to their proximity across the channel, there's long been tension between North Korea and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Southern Ireland.

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Monday, March 16, 2015

Arbitrage

The invisible hand of the market never texts me back.

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Friday, March 13, 2015

Terry Pratchett

Thank you for teaching us how big our world is by sharing so many of your own.

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Tuesday, March 10, 2015

New Products

If you ever hear "Wait, is that Kim Dotcom's new project? I'm really excited about it and already signed up, although I'm a little nervous about whether everyone should hand over control of their medical...", it's time to dig a bunker in your backyard.

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Sunday, March 8, 2015

Art Project

It's my most ambitious project yet, judging by the amount of guacamole.

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Thursday, March 5, 2015

Hard Reboot

Googling inevitably reveals that my problem is caused by a known bug triggered by doing [the exact combination of things I want to do]. I can fix it, or wait a few years until I don't want that combination of things anymore, using the kitchen timer until then.

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Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Insurance

LIFEHACKS: You can just take all the luggage off the airport conveyer belt and leave with it. They don't check that it's yours at the door!

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Sunday, March 1, 2015

Meeting

Here at CompanyName.website, our three main strengths are our web-facing chairs, our huge collection of white papers, and the fact that we physically cannot die.

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