Thursday, December 31, 2015

2016

Want to feel old? Wait.
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Tuesday, December 29, 2015

2016 Conversation Guide

The real loser in an argument about the meaning of the word 'hoverboard' is anyone who leaves that argument on foot.
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Sunday, December 27, 2015

Henge

I've got the Craigslist post ready to go! I wasn't sure what category it should go in, so I listed it as property and put that it has 'good sun exposure.'
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Thursday, December 24, 2015

Fixion

My theory predicts that, at high enough energies, FRBs and perytons become indistinguishable because the detector burns out.
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Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Christmas Settings

SOUND DOGS MAKE: [BARKING] [HISSING] [LIGHTSABER NOISES] [FLUENT ENGLISH] [SWEARING]
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Sunday, December 20, 2015

Watson Medical Algorithm

Due to a minor glitch, 'discharge patient' does not cause the algorithm to exit, but instead leads back to 'hunt down and capture patient'.
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Thursday, December 17, 2015

Cold Medicine

Seriously considering buying some illegal drugs to try to turn them back into cold medicine.
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Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Time Capsule

Oh no, I changed the future and now I'm disappearing! Wait, never mind, it was just my hat slipping down over my eyes.
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Monday, December 14, 2015

Lunch

I'm trying to be healthier, so after I eat this brick of cheese, I'll have a spoonful of grease-soaked vegetables.
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Friday, December 11, 2015

Red Car

That guy only drives an alkaline car to overcompensate for his highly acidic penis.
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Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Kites

[Dog returns with the end of a string in its mouth] [Voice drifts down from the sky] Kites are fun!
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Monday, December 7, 2015

The Three Laws of Robotics

In ordering #5, self-driving cars will happily drive you around, but if you tell them to drive to a car dealership, they just lock the doors and politely ask how long humans take to starve to death.
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Friday, December 4, 2015

Colds

The contagious period ends right around when you start to sound sick over the phone, which is probably evidence of cold viruses evolving to spread optimally in the workplace.
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Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Baking Soda and Vinegar

Sure, it may not meet science fair standards, but I want credit for getting my baking soda and vinegar mountain added to the Decade Volcanoes list.
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